When my girlfriend and her toddler McKale came for a visit one weekend, I laid out all the toys in the family room for him and my son to share. These toys have been sitting in the toy bins and Mikey has never touched them in a while. But when McKale started to get excited with the toys that he of course didn't see often, Mikey began to show interest in them and grabbed everything that McKale got hold of. He didn't want to share, in his eyes everything was all his.
I read that to a toddler there is no yours, mine and ours - there is only "mine". When toddler just began to grasp the concept of ownership, the toddler has not yet grasped that it can apply to others too. But possessiveness at this age in no way predicts a lifetime of selfishness. Grabbing from others and holding on to one's own possession is just another normal manifestation of a toddler's need to establish autonomy and identity, to test boundaries and stand up for his or her rights. Toddler's possessiveness is not only normal, it's a necessary, essential step on the road to sharing.
Unless children are given the opportunity to enjoy and appreciate ownership, they have difficulty learning to share. "Owning" comes long before "sharing" on the toddler developmental scale. Most children understand owning by the second half of the second year, but don't learn to share until they are 3 or 4. They don't also grasp the concept of "lending" and "borrowing". They don't grasp the idea that when you let a friend use something you own that you get it or use it back. They equate giving with giving up.
So while I know its natural for Mikey to object to sharing at this point, I also want to begin teaching him how to share. And that will be my topic for my next post. Stay tuned ;-)
I read that to a toddler there is no yours, mine and ours - there is only "mine". When toddler just began to grasp the concept of ownership, the toddler has not yet grasped that it can apply to others too. But possessiveness at this age in no way predicts a lifetime of selfishness. Grabbing from others and holding on to one's own possession is just another normal manifestation of a toddler's need to establish autonomy and identity, to test boundaries and stand up for his or her rights. Toddler's possessiveness is not only normal, it's a necessary, essential step on the road to sharing.
Unless children are given the opportunity to enjoy and appreciate ownership, they have difficulty learning to share. "Owning" comes long before "sharing" on the toddler developmental scale. Most children understand owning by the second half of the second year, but don't learn to share until they are 3 or 4. They don't also grasp the concept of "lending" and "borrowing". They don't grasp the idea that when you let a friend use something you own that you get it or use it back. They equate giving with giving up.
So while I know its natural for Mikey to object to sharing at this point, I also want to begin teaching him how to share. And that will be my topic for my next post. Stay tuned ;-)
Our daughter who is turning 10 months old in a week is exhibiting the "mine attitude" in another way. When her Papa would take a friend's daughter in his arm, our daughter would scream in protest...she seems to say: that's my Papa, hands off!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure Mikey will grow up to be a very good individual. With a caring and well rounded mommy rearing him, there'd be no room for a wayward son. Take care!
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